I don't understand grief. And I don't understand loss. I keep thinking I'm on the other side of it but then the tide turns and the waves of grief and loss return towards shore, beating higher and higher up on the sand.
My sweet bishop asked me a lot of questions yesterday. He has a good heart and wants me to be spiritually safe and happy. But, gosh, there's still so much pain. A woman gave a talk in our congregational meeting about joy in making promises with God. But I don't feel joy. I just feel loss. And grief.
*Sigh* Loss. It's so cliche. Until it's your own joints that ache with it, your own lungs that fill with it, your own heart that breaks with it. Jesus says to lay our burdens at his feet, Buddha says we must come to know grief and loss, that we may not need to resist or fear it.
But, I, like little Frodo, I wish the ring had never come to me.
