This is an excerpt from my letter to my mission president this week. This is a pretty good sum-up of the week, so you all get to see my proverbial under-belly. Don't worry. I'll be just fine. It's P-day! I get a nap.
"Not much to report this week. It was a little lack-luster. 'Fraid that's my fault. I've been stumbling a bit this week. My internal drive is dwindling, my desire to day after day after day do hard things is slacking. I'm pooped. I haven't been sleeping well for about 2 months. I blame that a little bit, but I know it's more of a symptom of the issue, not the issue itself. So in patience and faith, and a lot of prayer, I think I'm beginning to unravel the knot. Weak things made strong, right? So this "weak thing" has been talking to her Heavenly Father about how to be made strong. And I haven't really been made strong in the way I was asking, and I couldn't figure out what the matter was. Lack of faith? Diligence? Here's the revelation I received this week: I'm not going to be made strong in this particular point. This particular weakness is mine to carry through life. It's my handicap for life. It will not be made strong, but He will shape my shoulders to bear the burden.
That was quite a blow. I don't want to carry it forever. I was hoping to "leave it at His feet and bear a song away". But not this one. Dang. So I will continue to hobble along the strait and narrow way with my handicap, and I will learn to be content. And it's ok if other people pass me on the path."
