It's been an ugly, ugly week.
I almost gave up this week. It's been building for months and months now, but yesterday I hit my limit. Done. Uncle.
I have given everything I have to the Lord. I have sacrificed my time, talents, might, mind, and strength, most of my worldly goods (but what's in Laurany's basement). I have given up all my worldy pursuits. Everything.
Sister Jones (Mission President's wife), said, "Is it time to go home?" Oh, what joy filled my heart! Oh! To go home! Where people love me! And I'm not just some wierd lady in a skirt with an awkward companion who doesn't say anything. Oh, to be ALONE! (my little internal introvert is at her saturation point, too.) But as Joseph said to Jane Manning, "The time is not yet right." So I'm staying here.
I didn't understand the principle of not running faster than I have strength. It's complicated. How do you "work diligently, even though you're tired" (Preach My Gosple), and not "run faster than you have strength" (King Benjamin)? I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that I've crossed the line. I'm trashed. Spiritually, physically, emotionally trashed. Pooped. Saturated. Fried. But I'm not coming home. I'm staying here. I don't really know why, just that it's the right thing to do.
I need me some prayers.
And I'm going to take a nap.
