I didn't think I'd changed much on my mission. Pre-mission I had already been living a relatively media clean life (thanks to the TV for lobster exchange of 2007) and had already decided to make scripture study and personal prayer an important fixture of my day (desire- high, accuracy- needs improvement). I really didn't think there would be many structural changes in this little cottage that is me.
C.S. Lewis wrote “Imagine yourself a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing, so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of; throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace.”
So I have been knocked about, and I know it. I have seen the wings and towers rise... and yet I am surprised that I am not who I was.
Right after I got home I spent a few days in Sugar House, most things were pretty much as they had been... only not really. I felt like I was in a place I'd never been, though simultaneously feeling that I was a stranger in a familiar place. Those feelings have only intensified since I've been in California. I am filled with awe and wonderment at the stranger who lives in my head and in my body. I am surprised at her new tastes and habits. She doesn't like the music and clothes I used to like. She's surprisingly "normal" and consistent. She shares my name, my relationships, my heart, my brain. But she is still rather a stranger to me. I feel a bit ripped in three. First, pre-mission me; Second, missionary me; and Third, post-mission me. All are me, and yet not me.
Sandy has introduced me to some new hippy lifestyle changes. I'm eating hippy food, researching hippy medicine, and trying to figure out how to wash all the crud out of my brain and liver. On paper it sounds silly and strange, but it feels very accurate to me. I feel like this is part of my "education" that I have been divinely encouraged to seek. I spent the last 18 months hyper-focused on spiritual matters, I feel I've been gifted time to focus on physical body matters. Part of me "kicks against the pricks", but most of me knows this is where I belong.
I don't have a job. I'm not even looking yet. Today I'm going to go outside, sit in the sun, and hope that my body can assimilate some vitamin D. The dishes are done, and I've made some nutballs for when Sandy's nutballs come home from school.
Maybe I'll vacuum something.
You see that Nevada sky? Now that's home.
Party at Brian's house... just for me! We had Gluten Free cupcakes from Whole Food's.
